Life's a Beach so Take Off Your Pants and Run.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Fix You

Just went back from my late-night-drive. And I just realized how much I loved Jakarta.

On my way back from Puri Mall, I noticed that the whther is still somewhat cool, and so I decided not to ruin anymore ozone and turned off the AirCon. I opened the window in a precise size to prevent anything bad from happening and keeping me away from heat.

As soon as I paid the parking fee (with a hardship get OUT from the latenightparkinglot), I feel like Im in one of Coldplay's video, Fix You.

The lights are a bit orange, and it broughta sense of warmth and comfort. As the air crept in into my car, I can smell the sweet smell of rain and dirt, carefully caressing my lungs. I feel trickles coming down from the air, touching my damp cheeks, leaving nothing but a dot of coldness that evaporates as quick as a bird when someone comes near.

Now, safely seated infront of my computer, I have found my own peace, brought by something I resent before.

I did my English HW.

Hmph.

I have had a wonder-full day. The joy of yesterday were still carved deeply into my heart, and my feet sang with each step I took through my journey.

I really really wanted to sleep early today, pressumably before 10, however I have a responsibility to fetch my lazy brother whom I deeply respect from Puri Mall at 10:30. And it doesnt end there. Celebrity Fitness is expecting me for a quick passing-down-membership, which might leave me to drive alone midnight.

AND I havent done Maths and English HW.

I guess I'll just have to do English tomorrow. Here goes my lunch.

Uw damn. I forgot that English is BEFORE lunch. damn damn damn damn.

I need my medicine. J.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

My Heart Is Singing

Just got back from Puri Mall. Watched Pirates of the Caribean with Marissa. It was great. <3 Johny Depp.

The sad part is, I cant really concentrate on the movie well, since my heart was thumping loudly inside my chest.

How ironic. Davy Jones' heart, dead but thumping with love, and my heart, fully alive, and thumping like mad.

On my way to the cinema, I encountered Mr J. Face to face.

It felt like time stopped for that second. Our eyes met, and locked, until I put my face down on reflex. He too seemed to follow my act.

As we walked passed each other, I turned back, and so did he. Once again, our eyes locked until Marissa pulled me out from my slowmotionvision once again into reality.

God I wished I could turn back time. What a joy it might brought me.

Companions By Night

Chronology on my life yesterday night:

Signed off, and shut down my computer.
Turned on TV, checking what's on.
Deeply curious by the title on Star Movies' film, Mozart and The Whale.
Really gotten into the movie.
Turned on my computer. Wrote something on my blog. Shut it down, and walk to my room.
Turn on the lights and aircon.
Took a bath.
Brushed my teeth. Flossed. Mouth-washed.
Prepare my bed. Set my dolls.
Read East of Eden on my blanket.
When my eyes grew tired and dry, I closed my eyes, said a silent prayer, turned off the light, and swam into my thick blanket.

The only thing I could remember was how peaceful I felt when I covered my whole body with my blacket till my eyes. The sound of cold wind coming from steadily from the AC did me like a lullaby. And everything went black.

When I opened my eyes, the sun was already high. I dont know what time it was, and by reflex I scanned my bed for my handphone with half closed eyes. My handphone was nowhere to be found. I opened my blanket to get a better look for it, and was quickly freezed by cold.

After I gave up in my search for handphone, I quickly dived back into my blanket, and realized that the right half of it was on the floor. I pulled it, to found that it was freezing. The floor must have infected the cold into the blanket, I thought, and closed my eyes again.

I pulled my blanket to the left, and felt coldness seeped onto my bare back. I opened my eyes a little, as the sound of Il Divo's Ave Maria hangs on the air. Someone was reaching my phone, I thought. And had a serious complexities on whether I should answer it. My brain was divided into 2. One was ordering me to get up and answer it, and the other told me to stay where I was.

That side won. I stayed on my bed. Quietly listening for Ave Maria to finished, and I smiled.

I smiled, for by that mili-second, because I realized how lucky I am to have a chance to be there. With my artificial Donald Duck and Rabbit looking at me with no emotion to be found on their fluffy faces.

How lucky I am, I have never realized. It was covered up by the complaints and if-onlys that I made all day long.

It's really funny when I think about it now. How a small, simple stuff can make you realize something so important that your life depends on it.

Im going to watch Pirates of The Caribean today. And that's all what matters. Alone or with someone, I no longer care.

Jack Sparrow, Im coming.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Mozart and The Whale

He had Asperger's Syndrome.

She had Asperger's Syndrome.

He was an autistic.

And so is she.

He's afraid of people.

She's afraid of the sound of clinging metal.

He's good with number.

She's good with sex.

He's shy.

She's daring.

He had 6 birds.

She had a rabbit.

He's a volunteer.

She's a hairdresser.

He loves animal.

She loves classics.

He made her feel like a freak.

She screamed at him.

He had always wanted to be normal.

She had a list of friends.

He wasn't enough.

And yet he's all she ever asked for.

Freezing

She texted, asking where would I go this morning.

I replied, dying to watch Pirates of The Caribean.

Next thing I know, they're watching Pirates of Caribbean.

And Im left in cold outside.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Rising Blood

Anger seemed to take control of my mind lately.

I dont know why, but eversince school started, I always wanted to talk back when my homeroom nags me. This to me is really absurd, since I never felt like that before, especially before holiday.

I got really offended when someone offended me.

I got my temper when my friend bullied me. And bullied back when I'm not having temper.

Sometimes, I enjoyed myself so much that my stomach hurts just to think about it.

And a simple order from my teacher made it all go away.

*sigh*

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Gaining More and More

I think I am getting F A T T E R.

A lot.

Eversince holiday started, I have been confronted by endless food, each has their own HIGH LEVEL of sugar and fat.

I actually think that there is some kind of plot going on behind me to get me all covered in fat. Audilia gave this HUGE bag full of fruit marshmallows, in which I ate every single night. Way to go! I just couldn't help myself, they were so puny and helpless and deliberately screaming my name to eat them.

Having all day off, which is very rare, my life cycle has changed from wakingupat6-gotoschool-eat-study-workhard-gohome-eat-watchtv-playcomputer-readnovel-sleep to seep-wakeupnoon-eat-checkwhat'sonontv-eat-readnovel-eat-sleep-playcomputer-sleep.It's kinda a great change for me. I know I'll voluntarily adapt to that cycle, and yet I missed school so bad.

Recently, I had developed a new habit. Drinking this. 2 times a day, which meant double torture for my stomach. They taste like hell. And yet I tried my best to developed a whole range of tricks to make it taste better. With marshmallows. With honey. With sugar. With ice. With MILO. With ice creams. Blended. And my effort turned in vain. Still, I'm stuck with this wheaty-flavored milk, hoping dreaming waiting to get fatter.

A friend of mine asked. Why do I bother to get fatter when I exercised more? The answer to that RHETORICAL question is of course, MUSCLES. I. Want. Muscles.

Thinking it over, why do I bother to eat more fat and sugar (which I mentioned earlier). Wasn't that's nice of them to jump onto my lap and asked me to eat them?

I think Im starting to feel it's effect, since I'm writing while sucking my all-fat-icecream.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

One For Two

Woke up this morning at 09:00 AM ( Yes, with some snoozes from my handphone alarm), took a quick bath, realized that I have no training suit (and did some great improvisations with a tanktop and a short), grab my white shoes, and get behind my black velvety XTrail with a short permission to Dad that his youngest daughter is going to CelFit.

In no more than 10minutes, I was all set. Parked nicely in basement, locked my doors, brought my white shoes, and on the way up when I realized that I had somehow forgotten to bring a pair of socks, a lock for my locker, a lock for my hair, breakfast, and water to keep me away from dehidration.

As panic rose up to my body, I walk up and down, to found my socks in Blue Star. It was 9:30 at the time, and I frantically waved and knocked at the glass cabinet, trying to get their attention to let me in and made a quick transaction.

It was indeed fast, if only I didnt see a red Tee with PORTUGAL written all over it. It was love at first sight. The color was red, as in Portugal's-National-Uniform-Red. It was beautiful.

I tried it on, fell in love with it, and gave it to the cashier to proceed, and she deloberately told me that it'll cost MUCH cheaper if I get 2 of them, and LUCKILY, there's another pair of brown PORTUGAL Tee, with the perfect size, XS.

With increasing weight on my black bag, I pace my feet as quick as possible to ACE Hardware, to find that it's still closed. D. A. M. N. I ran, searching for any hair-clips, and I found myself coming back to ACE emptyhanded.

As the first door opened, I slipped my way through the lock-aisle, and bought the first small-with-tough-look-lock that came to my sight, made a quick payment, and ran to CelFit, where my Personal Trainer of the day had been waiting for my 10:00 oclock appointment.

I sctretched, exercised, cooled down, chatted, laughed, smiled, and watched eagerly to the Latin dance class.

On precisely 11:00 oclock, I changed my shoes, and went to Starbucks Coffee with an empty stomach, and fed it with a warm and tender Crisp Butter Croisant, with double Cookies And Cream Frapucinno Blended Coffee.

Hmm. What a day. Moreover, what a morning.

And it all happened in less than 2 hours.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Free Minds

Creativity is the first and best gift that GOD had given to human, for it makes them unique in their own ways.

I personally think that creativity is actually the only thing you'll ever needed in your life, for creativity is what defines a pioneer.

Time had changed, a lot. People has now cared only for what they'd been calling as technology. What they forgot is that machines, or mass production can only create things, not invent them. That'a a job that was given prestigiously to a man. A set of flesh and bones with some creativity added on top of it.

We tend to get vague impressions on everything people say, for it has been a special method for a man to lie while the opponent know nothing of it. This makes us get the wrong idea about who to fight for, and who to fight against.

People whom we should fight against, are those who subtlely but surely tried (and even managed) to put a fence on our minds.

Some of the minds, knowing the line that they have been given, can only climb the fance, and drop down once they've reached the top. But sometimes, there are some who managed to break the fence, cut the line, whatever, to show what they're made of. For the way people define you, is by judging what you said.

Let go of the unspoken words in your tongue, cause nobody will do it but you. let your lips break free, to let you solely defines yourself. For people may thought that they know you, but it's only you, single you, who knows who you are.

Break free. Live your life. Speak your mind. Love it.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Orientation

We had Student Orientation in school for 3 days now. And it's officially over. Thank God. I dont think I can stand the pressure (of having to get mad to juniors since I am THAT good. You know I am.)

There was this one guy who really, and when I say really, I meant R E A L L Y get on my nerves.

Well, I have been screaming at him for the last 2days, but today, something happened.

I was assigned as the PIC (Person in Charge) for today's games. And surprise, surprise, I was given the responsibilities of taking care of 10.3, where THAT GUY was the class captain.

I gave him orders for the game, and he did surprisingly well. He listened well to orders, and seemed to kinda forgot about our little "arguments". At the end of the day, I have grown quite nice to him. And he too, in some way.

Yes, there are too some adorable and cute guys on the spot. But they are, once again, 1 year y o u n g e r than me. It's really painful when you feel it, to see my juniors with objects of attractions everywhere, and my year, with painfully no, let me make myself clear, NO CUTE GUYS. Ah, If only I was born a year after. What a joy that might be.

Remembering moments before holiday, where there had been some hostilies between my year 11 and yr 9 (which is now yr 10), I found it's hard to believe that I have started to enjoy having them as my junior.

Once again, I have experienced not to judge a book by its cover.

Signed,

Denica.

Monday, July 17, 2006

irky

I have a very dumb computer.

And even dumber internet connection.

Fck you, Speedy.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Someone Behind The Alley

Everytime I'm in my Xtrail, I always have this strange feeling of affection to him (Im reffering to my car). It seemed that I feel that my Xtrail is.. More, than the other Xtrails I noticed on the road. I guess it's because I have formed somekind of bonding with him <3

Everytime I drove, and encountered other cars, or Xtrails, I often found myself thinking. Do they think about their vehicles as I do? Or Im the only one with affection to mine?

Sometimes when Im alone in my car, heading somewhere with James Blunt's sexy voice accompanying me, I often glanced out of the rear view, sometimes the window, to see other people.

People in beautiful clothes. People in shaby dresses.People with no dress.

People in luxurious cars. People in regular cars. People with no car.

People behind the wheel. People next to him. People behind.

Sometimes I wonder about them. Are their lives so different to mine. Or are they still the same.

Everytime I do this, I think. I found that those people in the first category always have those smiles on their face, while the second and third are the opposite.

After that, I cant help not to wonder about what people always said.

Money cant buy hapinness.

And again, I found myself questioning it's realibility. Cause what I see, is not what I heard. I began to wonder. Does money can buy happiness? It certainly can buy health.

Suddenly I realized the power of them. Those things people die for. Money.

It can take someone's lives. It can bring them back.

It can make someone laugh. It can make them cry.

It can make them happy. It can make them mad.

Ah, why does we keep on rotating in the same cycle as ever. How do we get out, more, do we want to get out.

Does money still rule? Are they still the force behind all forces. I really want to say that they're not, but I'll be lying then.

When oh when.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

2 more days.

Cant believe how fast time past.

Today I went to a mall in Southern Jakarta with a couple of my friends. We chatted and shared gossips on what happening in our lives, and others as well. We quickly filled up the gaps made by these past month where we are separated by cities, countries, oceans, even the nation.

Sometimes a quality day out is what it needed to change a person's mood, from sulky to the happiest people on the planet.

Cant believe im starting school in 2days.

Cant even dream of the misery I'll encounter trying to wake up.

Cant think of the dreadful 3periods of Maths in a truly spectacularly beautiful Monday morning which are prefferably used UNDER my white fluffy blanket.

Not to mention 2hours of Computer which I might spend day-dreaming and googling and chatting and sleeping.

Nice.

Maybe school isnt all that bad.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Mirrory Sides

I think everything I have started to believe to exist have all been torn.

Guess there's nothing left here. Just vacuum.

Is it something I do, did, or done?

I think I am again making a drama out of my life.

A one man show.

With nothing to show but me.

Just 2 days ago, I felt like I'm on the top of the world, just by a genuine compliment given by someone I barely know.

But now, I think I was living in a dream.

A dream so beautiful that it hurts when I woke up.

Behind The Wheel

I hate to lose.

I know that it may be unhealthy, but I really really got pissed if there's a fcking small car thinking that they're so small to move left or right without any sign.

I hate it even more if they sped up past me.

It makes me pissed. And challenged.

I never can rest until I drove past them again, like what they did to me.

I really really should stop driving and learn to use drivers to go somewhere. It's really not good for my heart and health.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

HomeHell

I think I fckd up.

Everyone told me to stop thinking negativ.

but after I stopped, I fcked everything up.

Hell.

I hate crossroads.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Heaven in Hell

I'm coming back to school next Monday.

Striving like hell to complete my holiday homefck.

Wondering while writing. Why is everyone acting so weird lately?

Sipping my WeightGain, I realize that nothing beats Milo Ice. Not even this.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

click click click

I cut my hair.

Finally. After months of suffering and struggling to get rid of those a n n o y i n g curls that im positive was plotting itself to make my hair look worst each passing day.

Now, my hair is short! (well, not THAT short, but short-according-to-denica's-catalogue.)

I really enjoy moving my hair back and forth, since I can smell the fresh-saloney-shampoo-smell. Ahh. Salvation.

I love these inwards hair layers. <3 <3!

I really think AND suggest that people start to include going to salon as a very refreshing and lifting-the-burden-on-your-back when you're stressed out and feeling like jumping out of a roof.

Maybe people should start building salons in jails, it'll cost much less than to hire more guards.

Hey, if you think about it, with salons everywhere, people wont have to go to a psychologist! Think about those money you saved! And it makes you loook better also.

Although, it may cause to increasing number of unemployment (mostly mental people). So, it's not all positive. But hey, each penny has two sides. Nobody can blame you for trying.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Tumblers

Im feeling better.

Yesterday I took a couple of shots of my so-called-treasures, my dolls and toys. They are the ones that colored my room, my natural habitat, my sanctuary, my castle of solitude, and my friend whenever I need someone to spend the night with.

I felt an immediate chemistry with this one. My Disney tumblers that was given as a goodbye present from some one in my past life.

I want to be a tumbler of my own. Someone who can rise back as fast as coming down. Someone who will not fall. And if somewhat happened, will rise, and stand before my very own soul.

I'm feeling better, and has found another reason to start my day with a smile.

I have stood up,

again.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I lost my best friend. Because of me.

skulah.

Im graduating in a year. And I have no idea where to go or what to take in university. Seeing my family's current condition, mayb I'll have to go to a university in Indonesia.

Right now, Im trying my working my ass hard to find a fcking scholarship. Or a grant, whatever.

Please, wherever I go, Whateer I do, I hope it's HIS plan. Im begging YOU. Help me.

A.S.A.P.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

I miss school. I miss PPGs. I miss Mr Jacob. I miss 11.2. I miss FreakFour.