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Thursday, August 31, 2006
It's Called Satisfaction
Im bleaming throughout the day. Eventhough I'm a lil bit irky through Business period, Im shocked to find myself actually without excuses doing what Ms Yuli ordered us to do, and she said that I've improved a great deal lately!
Then I went into Economic class, and Ms Chia told me that she liked my paper on RBA and APRA. Wow. All those mid-nights I spent on research. It's all worth it. I was literaly seeing lights all over everyone.
Maybe being a good student isnt a really bad thing afterall.
Then I went into Economic class, and Ms Chia told me that she liked my paper on RBA and APRA. Wow. All those mid-nights I spent on research. It's all worth it. I was literaly seeing lights all over everyone.
Maybe being a good student isnt a really bad thing afterall.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Something Fishy
I know that I literally detest all those who lives under the water. Seeing them is one thing, but eating them, is the thing. I know by heart that I dont prefer them, in any kinds. Dead or alive. Cooked or uncooked. I dislike their smell, their looks, their TASTE, and their everything. I had a fried fish for dinner, and now my tongue felt all wrong.
One more thing, I learnt not to make a haste decision about anything.
It started like this, there was an opening for signing up for the UBiNus English Competition 2006, and I was so damn eager to join for the debate competition! So when my teacher told me to went straight to the institution to sign up AND directly follow the technical meeting, I was pinning high my hopes on the debate.
Unfortunately, ocne I set my foot there, Iacknowledged that they've closed the space for debate team since it is FULL. Perplexed, I tried to call my teacher only to found out that he wasn't there. Out of nowhere, the comittee startyed to suggest us (debate team) to join one of the remaining competition, which is the News Casting, Spelling Bee, Scrabble, and Story Telling.
I know that in my little heart, it is screaming: "News Casting! News Casting!" But at the end I chose Scrabble since I dont have the guts to take any of those who require me to stand and talk infront of the whole bunch of strangers.
Hereby I solemnly admit that I regret my decision. I canNOT play Scrabble and yet I have chosen to compete against 50 different highschools and universities in Indonesia. Cant believe my luck.
Today I spent whole 3periods in teacher's room 2 to be taught basically everything about playing Scrabble. Strategies. Scoring. Went through the rules. My poor little brain. Hope he's coping well.
Now, 8hours to the first match, Im still despreately trying to figure out how to play by the rules. Pray for me. I know it'll come in handy tomorrow.
One more thing, I learnt not to make a haste decision about anything.
It started like this, there was an opening for signing up for the UBiNus English Competition 2006, and I was so damn eager to join for the debate competition! So when my teacher told me to went straight to the institution to sign up AND directly follow the technical meeting, I was pinning high my hopes on the debate.
Unfortunately, ocne I set my foot there, Iacknowledged that they've closed the space for debate team since it is FULL. Perplexed, I tried to call my teacher only to found out that he wasn't there. Out of nowhere, the comittee startyed to suggest us (debate team) to join one of the remaining competition, which is the News Casting, Spelling Bee, Scrabble, and Story Telling.
I know that in my little heart, it is screaming: "News Casting! News Casting!" But at the end I chose Scrabble since I dont have the guts to take any of those who require me to stand and talk infront of the whole bunch of strangers.
Hereby I solemnly admit that I regret my decision. I canNOT play Scrabble and yet I have chosen to compete against 50 different highschools and universities in Indonesia. Cant believe my luck.
Today I spent whole 3periods in teacher's room 2 to be taught basically everything about playing Scrabble. Strategies. Scoring. Went through the rules. My poor little brain. Hope he's coping well.
Now, 8hours to the first match, Im still despreately trying to figure out how to play by the rules. Pray for me. I know it'll come in handy tomorrow.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Come On
More in, less out. Carve those into your mind and heart, my dear. I have to study no matter what. Computer Period coming later, let's conquer it.
Cant believe how lazy I was over the weekend. One of my friends has actually finished reading Animal Farm, and yet I have not touched it at home. Come on. I know I can. No more MSN by nights.
MSN Messenger. Friendster. Blogger. Hotmail. Google. Adobe.
Adios.
Cant believe how lazy I was over the weekend. One of my friends has actually finished reading Animal Farm, and yet I have not touched it at home. Come on. I know I can. No more MSN by nights.
MSN Messenger. Friendster. Blogger. Hotmail. Google. Adobe.
Adios.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Airport
Just realized how big this house is with only 4 people in it. Yesterday, after total of 2months here, my big sister flied back to Amsterdam. Mom, Dad, me, and Evan escorted her to the airport, and went back sorrowfully to Da Vinci where we spent the rest of the night.
I know Im supposed to go to Secret Recipe Puri Indah Mall to attend Paulina's birthday, but I cant bring myself to abandon them. There would be only 3 of them if Im gone, and that would be simply lonely.
Cant also believe how my responsibilities changed overnight. Last week I was free as a bird, flying here and there, with my brother and sister to take care of everything. Yesterday I was still a bird, with a little colar up high onn my neck. And now writing this, I was totally pinned to the ground.
I know it's my choice to go wandering around the streets of Jakarta, but Im no longer that small. Im 16. Going to be 17 next year. Things have started to queque for my life. University. Work. I know that if I dont start sorting things out right now, there would never be tomorrow. Less shopping. More saving. Less hanging out. More fitness.
Basically less out, more in.
I know Im supposed to go to Secret Recipe Puri Indah Mall to attend Paulina's birthday, but I cant bring myself to abandon them. There would be only 3 of them if Im gone, and that would be simply lonely.
Cant also believe how my responsibilities changed overnight. Last week I was free as a bird, flying here and there, with my brother and sister to take care of everything. Yesterday I was still a bird, with a little colar up high onn my neck. And now writing this, I was totally pinned to the ground.
I know it's my choice to go wandering around the streets of Jakarta, but Im no longer that small. Im 16. Going to be 17 next year. Things have started to queque for my life. University. Work. I know that if I dont start sorting things out right now, there would never be tomorrow. Less shopping. More saving. Less hanging out. More fitness.
Basically less out, more in.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
By By Brother
Today's the day. I know that I have waited secretly that today would never come, but it did, and that's the plain truth.
When I woke up this morning, I felt absurdly lonely, as I see his body silhouted against the rising sun, breathing slowly, slowly, and slowly. I cant believe that was the last time Im gonna see my brother in this house, watching over all of us.
As my handphone alarm pulling me away from my dream, I opened my eyes slowly and stayed there for minutes. Slowly, I put my feet onto the stone, walk slowly to my room, and bathe myself, slowly.
When I finally got out, I was shocked at the fact that I would never ever see my brother walking daintily with his highshool uniform that matched mine. Now it's vanished, slowly blowed by the breeze of morning wind.
With this, I made my way to my school to meet my obligations, hopefully.
By lunch time, there was a short message on my handphone. I carefully clicked the word 'open' and tears seeped into my vision by reading it.
It made me missed my brother so much.
When I re-entered Economics class, I joked around, teasing and passing jokes to Michael to ease my misery. I cant bring myself to talk about it, since I know where it would lead me to.
I know that Im going to be just fine. Bye Brother, study well. Keep your sleeves up, you deserve it.
See you.
Till then.
When I woke up this morning, I felt absurdly lonely, as I see his body silhouted against the rising sun, breathing slowly, slowly, and slowly. I cant believe that was the last time Im gonna see my brother in this house, watching over all of us.
As my handphone alarm pulling me away from my dream, I opened my eyes slowly and stayed there for minutes. Slowly, I put my feet onto the stone, walk slowly to my room, and bathe myself, slowly.
When I finally got out, I was shocked at the fact that I would never ever see my brother walking daintily with his highshool uniform that matched mine. Now it's vanished, slowly blowed by the breeze of morning wind.
With this, I made my way to my school to meet my obligations, hopefully.
By lunch time, there was a short message on my handphone. I carefully clicked the word 'open' and tears seeped into my vision by reading it.
It made me missed my brother so much.
When I re-entered Economics class, I joked around, teasing and passing jokes to Michael to ease my misery. I cant bring myself to talk about it, since I know where it would lead me to.
I know that Im going to be just fine. Bye Brother, study well. Keep your sleeves up, you deserve it.
See you.
Till then.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Lonely
I cant believe my brother's leaving to Amsterdam in 2 days. I have been trying hard to ignore that fact for months for I know how devastated I will be once he's gone. Eversince we were infants, we always played stupid games together, invented ridicolous codes, cought the same fever over and over again, watched the same cartoons, shared the same hobbies, and all those you're supposed to have with your sister.
There's this 1 anime that I remembered so well. Cardcaptor Sakura. Every Sunday at precisely 9 0'clock in the morning, we would alternately woke each other up and watch the cartoon together. And in the afternoon, developed a whole range of tools to impersonate what we saw in the morning.
We invented a lot of silly games as well. I remember the one where we use a matress to slide over the stairs. We would push it on each other's turn, and sometimes we do it both. We put some pillows on the end of the stairs and locked the door as a precation. Mom and Dad would scold us then for doing such a dangerous stunt, they would say. But the joy and laughter had forever carved into my heart. Sliding slowly and pushing me on the edge of the stairs to emptiness.
As the biggest siblings in the house, we take turns in opening the gate when one's home late. We would wait for each other so that we can safely enter the house without waking everyone up. A single SMS would reserve the gate opening for the sender. Now how would I get in when Im late?
Like normal brother and sister, we fought constantly too. I could recall one time when we were still living in our apartment, and we were like fighting everyday. The reason we fought is always very simple, but because both are stubborn, we refused to lose for our pride controls our minds. When I realized this, I went to the supermarket below the apartment, and bought a box of milk. Chocolate milk. Then I would knock on my brother's door, and offered him in silence. He would took it silently as well, and closed the door again. That's how we solve our quarrels, through our stomachs.
Im scared to be left alone now. I know that I would miss him terribly once he's gone. He was just like my dad, he brought me the sense of security whenever he's around.
And I know that I will be insecure, in 2 days.
Please stop pushing me. I love you dear brother. Take care there.
There's this 1 anime that I remembered so well. Cardcaptor Sakura. Every Sunday at precisely 9 0'clock in the morning, we would alternately woke each other up and watch the cartoon together. And in the afternoon, developed a whole range of tools to impersonate what we saw in the morning.
We invented a lot of silly games as well. I remember the one where we use a matress to slide over the stairs. We would push it on each other's turn, and sometimes we do it both. We put some pillows on the end of the stairs and locked the door as a precation. Mom and Dad would scold us then for doing such a dangerous stunt, they would say. But the joy and laughter had forever carved into my heart. Sliding slowly and pushing me on the edge of the stairs to emptiness.
As the biggest siblings in the house, we take turns in opening the gate when one's home late. We would wait for each other so that we can safely enter the house without waking everyone up. A single SMS would reserve the gate opening for the sender. Now how would I get in when Im late?
Like normal brother and sister, we fought constantly too. I could recall one time when we were still living in our apartment, and we were like fighting everyday. The reason we fought is always very simple, but because both are stubborn, we refused to lose for our pride controls our minds. When I realized this, I went to the supermarket below the apartment, and bought a box of milk. Chocolate milk. Then I would knock on my brother's door, and offered him in silence. He would took it silently as well, and closed the door again. That's how we solve our quarrels, through our stomachs.
Im scared to be left alone now. I know that I would miss him terribly once he's gone. He was just like my dad, he brought me the sense of security whenever he's around.
And I know that I will be insecure, in 2 days.
Please stop pushing me. I love you dear brother. Take care there.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Happy Birthday
I just had a sudden vision from the corner of my right eye. It's 00:34 am, which means it's officially Sunday, 20th August 2006. Therefore, I hereby congratulate my eldest sister Renita for her 23rd Birthday.
23 may sounds old, well it is, but her stupidity continues both in her thoughts and actions.
Happy birthday.
23 may sounds old, well it is, but her stupidity continues both in her thoughts and actions.
Happy birthday.
Blended Culture
Some of my relatives came by this afternoon. My grandmother, my uncle, my aunt, and my nephew. Some of them actually had never seen me for 5years, and it's pretty fun to catch up on what's happening in their worlds, recalling our stupidity when we were only 8.
My nephew, Michael, who turned 15 this year, referred to me as ''Cie Cie". Hearing this, deep down in my heart, there's a sense of pride glowing through, and bleaming through my action and thoughts.
I noticed that Im the only 1 in the family who is strangely unable to speak Javanese, when Im naturally one. Both my parents are fluent in Indonesian, Javanese, and Chinese. And voila. Here's their daughter, me, fluent in only Indonesian, with bandages all over it.
My mother gave birth to me in Jakarta, but I have Javanese blood running through my vein, with Chinese culture spiced it up a lil bit.
I may say that I am Javanese, Chinese, or Indonesian, but whatever I say or do, I will forever be the daughter of Emmy S Widodo and Soedarminto, aka Lien and Qi Ming.
My nephew, Michael, who turned 15 this year, referred to me as ''Cie Cie". Hearing this, deep down in my heart, there's a sense of pride glowing through, and bleaming through my action and thoughts.
I noticed that Im the only 1 in the family who is strangely unable to speak Javanese, when Im naturally one. Both my parents are fluent in Indonesian, Javanese, and Chinese. And voila. Here's their daughter, me, fluent in only Indonesian, with bandages all over it.
My mother gave birth to me in Jakarta, but I have Javanese blood running through my vein, with Chinese culture spiced it up a lil bit.
I may say that I am Javanese, Chinese, or Indonesian, but whatever I say or do, I will forever be the daughter of Emmy S Widodo and Soedarminto, aka Lien and Qi Ming.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Brands in My Brain
What a beautiful day. The sun is high in the sky, burning so hot that it seemed to made a hole in it. The summer wind dozing people away into their bedrooms. A very rare occasion in which I get to spend the entire day wandering around in my house, squandering my energy infront of the computer, and hopelessly trying to start my Economics Assessment.
Stangely, my brain unseemingly kept on ordering me to get triffles. And those names came into my head. Get Caramel Machiato - Starbucks. Get Body Butter and Hair Serum - Body Shop. Hungry, need Ham and Cheese bread - BreadTalk. Missed my lunch times - IPEKA.
Those brands I mentioned above seemed to have a very strong influence in my life. The recognition is not a scandal, nor does the need for me to get them a care.
I wonder if there's anyone, or even anything who is purified from those brands infection. People, voluntarily or involuntarily, conscious or unconcious, aware or not, are slowly but steadily influenced by brands around us.
You see someone on the street holding 'denicawater' bottles. The idea of people drinking 'denicawater' started to root in your mind. Walk a little further, you see 'denicawater' in every convinient store you encountered. Moreover, you got 'denicawater' when you ordered mineral water. This is in fact a marketing strategy. Our lives are constantly being erupted by those advertising so vague and subtle that we never realized. The vaguer it is, the better it is.
Brands, our choice of life. Take it or leave it.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Enemy by the Look
Some people just wont learn. Why is that they thought that people wont be able to see their rotten beings inside their aritificial luminous masks? We know that you're one fine looking person, no need to mention that in every movements you made.
It's much better for me, much much much much better to see someone who is beautiful by nature instead of those who have a little advantages toward others and used it to make people realize that they have more than them.
FCUK to those people I mentioned. I know that you think you're so handsome that you're a fcking GOD. Rule your little world, and I'll sit back and enjoy seeing it fall.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Medicine
Caramel Machiatos.How you have lighten up my days.
How you have brought me to meetings after meetings with J.
How you have filled my empty stomach with your sweetness.
Your bitter taste stayed in my tongue. Because I know that it is only the beginning.
I've missed you so much since yesterday,
How I craved for you in silent.
I've beginning to wonder, is it your absence through my throat that raised my temper lately.
I miss you. I realy do. Im coming for you, this weekend.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Lampionized
Im feeling glowy.
I need a pantomime. To remind me what is real.
I really dont feel like going to school.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Emotion Cycle
The worst thing for a child is to feel unaccepted. Either by the parents, siblings, friends, or even the community. For with this comes loneliness. From loniless comes anger. From anger comes hatred. From hatred comes the need for vengeance. And after that, pleasure, momentary pleasure, for soon after, comes denial, then guilt, and finally depression.
I found this from basic observation on people around me. Im thrilled when Im laughing and having a blast with my friends, but yet I found it satisficing to focus on something unnoticed. Sure you can say that someone's is bad, or extremely weird, but it meant nothing unless you know why.
I know I am no longer a child. Im an adolesence, going to be legally an adult in a year. But yet I still feel the need for acceptance. I felt miserable whenever something made me feel unaccepted. Even when someone's nag me 24/7.
I felt weird lately. Why someone who used to be your bestest friend, your joy from friendship and midnightcalls, can be such a wreck. Every word that came out from my lips went wrong. Completely wrong. It was quite the contrary to what I felt. Absolutely the opposite.
Before, it was laugh laugh laugh and cry. Now, it's shout shout shout and anger. Bad words started to slipped out. Without any intention of saying so.
My Economics teacher told me that my average marks had slipped. Slightly downward, and somewhat erratic.
I'm afraid to tell people about this. Somewhat i'm scared people would talk. Talk, about everything contrary about me. People wanted to say what in their heads, not by facts. No, maybe that's not it. Maybe it's people wanted to say by facts, not by what's in their heads. Im perplexed. What is true anymore I couldnt decide.
I found this from basic observation on people around me. Im thrilled when Im laughing and having a blast with my friends, but yet I found it satisficing to focus on something unnoticed. Sure you can say that someone's is bad, or extremely weird, but it meant nothing unless you know why.
I know I am no longer a child. Im an adolesence, going to be legally an adult in a year. But yet I still feel the need for acceptance. I felt miserable whenever something made me feel unaccepted. Even when someone's nag me 24/7.
I felt weird lately. Why someone who used to be your bestest friend, your joy from friendship and midnightcalls, can be such a wreck. Every word that came out from my lips went wrong. Completely wrong. It was quite the contrary to what I felt. Absolutely the opposite.
Before, it was laugh laugh laugh and cry. Now, it's shout shout shout and anger. Bad words started to slipped out. Without any intention of saying so.
My Economics teacher told me that my average marks had slipped. Slightly downward, and somewhat erratic.
I'm afraid to tell people about this. Somewhat i'm scared people would talk. Talk, about everything contrary about me. People wanted to say what in their heads, not by facts. No, maybe that's not it. Maybe it's people wanted to say by facts, not by what's in their heads. Im perplexed. What is true anymore I couldnt decide.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Multifeelings
Im exhausted. Every inch of my bones is killing me. My elbow is bleeding. My toes hurts everytime I wringle them. My stomach is huge. My thigh is humongous. My fingers are stubby. My face is covered in pimples (total 6 of them). Have not work out (except for volley).
Economics assessment infront. Individual research. I hate the word INDIVIDUAL in it.
Maths HW anytime. Wth.
Economics Extended Writing. The one before has the wrong topic. *d a m n*
Business BIG Assessment in 2 months. Once again, individual. Havent even start doing.
SDD Assessment in 2days.
Economics Quiz in 2 days.
My feelings is torn into 2, where the other is cheerleading me to keep up with it, and the other told me to simply get a good night sleep.
Economics assessment infront. Individual research. I hate the word INDIVIDUAL in it.
Maths HW anytime. Wth.
Economics Extended Writing. The one before has the wrong topic. *d a m n*
Business BIG Assessment in 2 months. Once again, individual. Havent even start doing.
SDD Assessment in 2days.
Economics Quiz in 2 days.
My feelings is torn into 2, where the other is cheerleading me to keep up with it, and the other told me to simply get a good night sleep.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Glowing
I would never ever dreamed that anyone would ever compliment my writings. Im gobsmacked.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Father
I have made a startling discovery today, that my dad is an old man. It was as shocking as a sudden seeing of a ghost, as I loved my father to pieces, and his image in my mind is described by only comfort.
His present comforted me, as he was always there eversince I was only a little girl. He never get mad at me for being a prank at school, but he always offered absurd solutions to them. There's this one time when I cheated on English exam in Kindergarden (since I was THAT bad at English) and made scribbled notes on my thigh! Unfortunately, my teacher caught me red-handed and immidiately called for my parents. I was so scared at the time, and held my head down all the time. But my dad smiled at me and said: "Next time you better do it on some disposable thing to make sure there are no evidence."
I can see his movements slowing down. His feet so tired of the bullshits in this world. His hair beginning to lossen up. His skin is wrinkled. But his eyes told more than anything, his eyes are.. Old.
For some reason, his eyes are always glowing before. Dark and shiny, and I always thought there are no impossible thing being done by my father if only he wants to do it. His eyes are filled with.. Mischieves.
The world to me by the age of 4 is so small. Small, puny, piglet, and playful. This is mainly because I spent 60% of my toddler time on my dad's lap, and the other 40% waiting for my dad to pick me up again.
I always consider my dad as the morning. So safe, so warm, so tender, and yet so refreshing. I can take it if he grew older to evenings, but the thought of him changing to night brought me certain agonies no word could ever describe.
I love him to pieces, and I pray by all my heart that those pieces will never ever be scattered by sunset.
His present comforted me, as he was always there eversince I was only a little girl. He never get mad at me for being a prank at school, but he always offered absurd solutions to them. There's this one time when I cheated on English exam in Kindergarden (since I was THAT bad at English) and made scribbled notes on my thigh! Unfortunately, my teacher caught me red-handed and immidiately called for my parents. I was so scared at the time, and held my head down all the time. But my dad smiled at me and said: "Next time you better do it on some disposable thing to make sure there are no evidence."
I can see his movements slowing down. His feet so tired of the bullshits in this world. His hair beginning to lossen up. His skin is wrinkled. But his eyes told more than anything, his eyes are.. Old.
For some reason, his eyes are always glowing before. Dark and shiny, and I always thought there are no impossible thing being done by my father if only he wants to do it. His eyes are filled with.. Mischieves.
The world to me by the age of 4 is so small. Small, puny, piglet, and playful. This is mainly because I spent 60% of my toddler time on my dad's lap, and the other 40% waiting for my dad to pick me up again.
I always consider my dad as the morning. So safe, so warm, so tender, and yet so refreshing. I can take it if he grew older to evenings, but the thought of him changing to night brought me certain agonies no word could ever describe.
I love him to pieces, and I pray by all my heart that those pieces will never ever be scattered by sunset.
?
Cant believe mom had just realized that I havent got my driver license yet. After I have been driving around for half a year.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
A Ride Home
I have discovered some surprising facts today, and some of them went completely beyond my wildest imagination.
I have discovered that working out alone might be a little dull, but it is in fact more effective than working out with someone else. However, it is indeed more organised to workout with your Personal Trainer than just picking what kind of muscle you want to build and hold the pain silently in your head.
The food in Banana Leaf Pluit is OK. Not that good, not that bad. Reminder to all food tester out there, this restaurant deserve to be tried at least once. The Calamari Ring is absolutely delicious. Crispy outside, and tender inside. However, the Tom Yam soup is not that good. The curry, well, I can definitely taste the artificial spices in it. Feels like the curry spice I bought in Ranch Market allright.
The boy with childlook is smoking. On the table. And clubbing.
The boys with scary look gave us a ride home, and we chatted all the way, comparing opinions, and exchanging them with some valuable comments.
It's better to have someone else driving for you. Driving causes health problem, and cure some too in the other hand. Traffic kills people. Night heals people.
Boys do gossip as much as girls do.
Some boys judge girls by what she's wearing. To all girls out there, beware of those fashion police. They might slaughter you with dreadful comments.
Boys my age preferred TTM (Teman Tapi Mesra) compared to having an actual companion.
How much one can discovered by sitting quietly in the dark, silhoutted by soft moonlight, is once again, beyond my wildest imagination.
I have discovered that working out alone might be a little dull, but it is in fact more effective than working out with someone else. However, it is indeed more organised to workout with your Personal Trainer than just picking what kind of muscle you want to build and hold the pain silently in your head.
The food in Banana Leaf Pluit is OK. Not that good, not that bad. Reminder to all food tester out there, this restaurant deserve to be tried at least once. The Calamari Ring is absolutely delicious. Crispy outside, and tender inside. However, the Tom Yam soup is not that good. The curry, well, I can definitely taste the artificial spices in it. Feels like the curry spice I bought in Ranch Market allright.
The boy with childlook is smoking. On the table. And clubbing.
The boys with scary look gave us a ride home, and we chatted all the way, comparing opinions, and exchanging them with some valuable comments.
It's better to have someone else driving for you. Driving causes health problem, and cure some too in the other hand. Traffic kills people. Night heals people.
Boys do gossip as much as girls do.
Some boys judge girls by what she's wearing. To all girls out there, beware of those fashion police. They might slaughter you with dreadful comments.
Boys my age preferred TTM (Teman Tapi Mesra) compared to having an actual companion.
How much one can discovered by sitting quietly in the dark, silhoutted by soft moonlight, is once again, beyond my wildest imagination.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Mother
She is the woman who spent 9 months woving me. I was conceived in her womb, until I was brought into this world on April 12, 1990.
I had always trying to find something wrong with her. How strict she was. How many rules she set on me. How she treated my wants and needs.
And for some reason, I had always search for her inperfection, something as my legitimate reason to think that Im right and she's wrong.
And that's where I went wrong.
I had always compared her with others, for a reason I personally dont even know.
These couple of months, my family has developed a new habit, in which to stay on the table and listen to other's day. Through this, I have acknowledged a new nderstanding of her.
How strong she was. Her family background. It confronted me with another woman I have known all my life, but from a whole new perspective.
I have grown to admire her. Her strength. Her faith.
She is a very strong woman. An independent one, with a spice of maturity. She accepts her life, with a few complaints at first, but a greater understanding later.
It's really strange how you can know someone your whole life, and found out that you know nothing about her.
Thank you for making me here.
I had always trying to find something wrong with her. How strict she was. How many rules she set on me. How she treated my wants and needs.
And for some reason, I had always search for her inperfection, something as my legitimate reason to think that Im right and she's wrong.
And that's where I went wrong.
I had always compared her with others, for a reason I personally dont even know.
These couple of months, my family has developed a new habit, in which to stay on the table and listen to other's day. Through this, I have acknowledged a new nderstanding of her.
How strong she was. Her family background. It confronted me with another woman I have known all my life, but from a whole new perspective.
I have grown to admire her. Her strength. Her faith.
She is a very strong woman. An independent one, with a spice of maturity. She accepts her life, with a few complaints at first, but a greater understanding later.
It's really strange how you can know someone your whole life, and found out that you know nothing about her.
Thank you for making me here.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Bright Brain
I have been studying.
Yes, I know how absurd it may sound to all of you out there who personally know who I am. But I'm proud to say that I have gone past the Dark Ages. Im starting to pay attention in classes. Tried to keep my eyes open, where I would never ever bother before. I made notes (primarily in Economics). Composed summary (Business 1.5 chapters, and SDD chapter 7). And did my HomeWork (English story analysis. Economics extended writing. Business Apple research. Maths exercises.)
It felt really good after I listed them like that. It made me feel like I did useful stuffs these days. I have not been adobeing. I have not been drawing. I have not take rests.
I have been writing. I have been driving. I have been working out. I had a lot of fun.
Everyday seemed brighter to me. It's as if buckets of raw paints had been scattered all over my life, eversince that Sunday meeting triggered it.
Ah how beautiful life can be. When one least expected it.
The only piece of the puzzle missing is my beloved former Economic teacher, Mr Jacob, whom I deeply missed. He was probably the best teacher one could ever met. He cared not only for his class' lectures, but also the development of his students. Whenever I sat still in his class, he would come to me and offered a penny for my thought.
His low calm voice gave me peace of mind. He was a tall, skinny, but a big man in his own delicate ways. His vague jokes adds the word fun in Economics. He taught me for a term, but his words will forever carved into my heart.
Why does every beginings has an end, I dont think I would ever understand.
Yes, I know how absurd it may sound to all of you out there who personally know who I am. But I'm proud to say that I have gone past the Dark Ages. Im starting to pay attention in classes. Tried to keep my eyes open, where I would never ever bother before. I made notes (primarily in Economics). Composed summary (Business 1.5 chapters, and SDD chapter 7). And did my HomeWork (English story analysis. Economics extended writing. Business Apple research. Maths exercises.)
It felt really good after I listed them like that. It made me feel like I did useful stuffs these days. I have not been adobeing. I have not been drawing. I have not take rests.
I have been writing. I have been driving. I have been working out. I had a lot of fun.
Everyday seemed brighter to me. It's as if buckets of raw paints had been scattered all over my life, eversince that Sunday meeting triggered it.
Ah how beautiful life can be. When one least expected it.
The only piece of the puzzle missing is my beloved former Economic teacher, Mr Jacob, whom I deeply missed. He was probably the best teacher one could ever met. He cared not only for his class' lectures, but also the development of his students. Whenever I sat still in his class, he would come to me and offered a penny for my thought.
His low calm voice gave me peace of mind. He was a tall, skinny, but a big man in his own delicate ways. His vague jokes adds the word fun in Economics. He taught me for a term, but his words will forever carved into my heart.
Why does every beginings has an end, I dont think I would ever understand.