Life's a Beach so Take Off Your Pants and Run.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

A Rather Emotional Weekend

It's Career Day at IPEKA, and as a member of Student Council, I'm obliged to attend the talk show with those professionals at work whom IPEKA had booked to share their stories with hope to inspire us fellow students. It was quite good, unlike what I expected before. I really got into what Mrs. Mariana Kasim, marketing director hewlett-packard, shared. I was gobsmacked by just paying attention.

After that, some of the girls (all to be exact, minus Marissa) went to Puri 21 to watch 'Click'. The result? Compelling emotionally, raised up and down, laughing like hell and crying like babies. Our eyes were swollen like bee stings at the end of the movies, which we laughed at when looking at each other's eyes.

Sigh. No mood to do Business Plan. Can't believe I'll be Yr 12 in a month!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Facts

Im sorry I left things hangs in the air from my last post. There are some significant updates that took place in the previous 3 days; Dad walked out proudly from the hospital 1 day after the operation (SUPERMAN!), all house guests have came home to their respective places, and I have not even started my business research.

Yesterday was the perfect day for me to just sit back and enjoy the peace at home. And I did. Woke up at 11 AM, which is not bad, considering that I slept at midnight the night before. I had my breakfast, consist of Chicken Sandwich and a glass of Iced Chocolate Milk, then I lazily slumbered my body into the couch, switching from channels to channels.

2 hours later, I was literally sick of seeing old programmes, and decided to strode down, with my DigiCam ready, to my garden. Then I took some bullets of fish food, and spread it all around in the pond, eagerly watching them rushed over each other to get 1 bit of sprinkled food, which I freezed into this picture by reflex.

After 10minutes, a wave of boredom started to crept into my veins. I, Denica Riadini, dont have that passion to sit and watch fishes. That's the plain hard truth.

Climbing up, I noticed that it is still 2 PM. Way to go. I managed to kill 3 hours before I felt the urge to turn on the computer. Did some minor and major editing to my picture database, when my stomach rumbled in complaint. If my stomach can speak, I think it would be somewhat like: "Food. Need food. Food."

And so I picked up the phone and dialed Audilia's number. It ran somewhat like this:

"Di, have you eaten your lunch?"

"Yes, I just did. Why? Wanna fo somewhere? Let's go."

15 minutes later, I was honking infront of her house, where we sped up to Ichiban Sushi, then, yes, Starbucks.

Well, maybe it is true that you do need to be careful on what you wished for. I wished for a break, and voila, I got it. Just when I figured that break and me just doesnt get along.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Hospital

Eversince I was a little girl, I had always had this eerie feeling everytime I smelt the 'hospital odor'. Neither do I expect of stepping even 1 of my feet into the immaculate rooms.

But today, precisely on 8 in the morning, I was rudely woken up by 1 of my maids to call Mom that instance. And so, with a throbbing head and a panda eyes, I reluctantly dialed Mom's number with half conscience. You know where the other half is.

Quickly I was taken back from my half-ly passed dream into reality by her words. Have to change. Come to Pluit Hospital. Dad's having his Hernia operation.

Those simple words had a slamming effect on me. I rushed back into my brother's room, ordering him to get ready for a little trip to the hospital, and changed my pjs into something presentable.

And so, with a little packages of strawberry biscottis and blueberry candies, we entered the black beast which roared its engine loudly to take us to our promised destination.

During the journey, I tried to put up my head, in confirmation to my heart. I wont allow myself to think. The important thing is just being dumb and ignorant. Dont think. Dont dream. Dont imagine. Because I know how my world will be shattered by the worse.

Reached the hospital safely, I literally had to push myself to enter the glass door. I was silent, frozen in anxiety. It seemed to me as if I had entered a slow motion movie. I glanced in every direction, and still my vision seemed obscured by an undefinable mist of my vision.

After looong hours of waiting (well, it's an hour to be exact), a guard called us to enter an immaculate room. Again, a familiar chill crept on my back as I see a door sliding open to welcome us.

We were made to let go of our sandals, and the coldness of the stone on my bare feet annoyed me, for a second, until I heard his voice. My dad's voice. He was greeting us weakly, smiled in assurance for us all. The emotional relief was overwhelming. The mist had gone. Everything seemed to glow. I was glowing with a smile.

Currently Dad's sleeping over at the hospital. 509. We know that it's OK to leave him alone after we saw him using his phone again and again and again.

It's a habit. It's my Dad.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Yes, I am Very Much Alive

Greetings, fellow human.

I know I've been deprived from my Blogger for exactly 3 days now, and I dont even know on where to start to say how much I missed it.

Assignments seemed to rain down upon me recently. Assessments queing politely, with steady movement to make sure I have no second to spare. And to make things even more phenomenal, final examination will take place in less than 3 weeks.

I know, that all I need is a nice warm cup of Grande Caramel Machiato, and fate seemed to bring us together. I will conduct a research for my Business Plan (due 10th October) on Monday. And this research unfortunately requires me to spend a whole day at Starbucks Coffee! What a coincidence! Well, if it's for research, what more can I say?

Everything seemed normal from my eyes. House OK, another sculpture from Elite, but everything pretty remained pretty much the same. Mom and Dad OK. Brother OK. Everything seemed just another day if the burden in my heart would excuse itself to allow me to live normally.

3 weeks. 3 damn weeks.

Oh by the way, I am currently banished from my room in convinience of our house guest, my uncle, which is on a mission to spend everyday at DaVinci Tower Sudirman. Somehow I have this feeling that Mom would make a really good DaVinci sales, since she knows every products in every floors at any time.

3 weeks.

Oh where did those days went? Days where I woke up in the morning, eager in all sort of ways to take a bath so I would be presentable for my classes. Days where school seemed to be the only place to be. Days where I laugh 24/7.

They are replaced, involuntary, by mornings where I have to literally held up the lids of my eyes just to keep it open. Long hot morning baths that soothe my back, a momentary sanctuary before stepping out into the coldness of my room. Days where the corners of my lips wont even turn upward, not the slightest bit of it.

Oh GOD, I need Caramel Machiato.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

There'll be Always a First Time

Tonight for the first time in her life, Mom actually looked at Friendster. On my brother's page. She was bleaming with pride and affection of her oldest son, to see how he wore things that she bought for him just before he left for further education in the Windmill Land.

Later, my eldest sister sent us a couple of pictures of my brother having ice cream. Mom said he looked real happy and FAT. Haha. Can't believe my bony twins is getting fatter! I won't accept that I am defeated. I must be fatter for my own pride's sake.

The corners of my lips turned upward when I called for my little brother. He was running to see his brother's picture while shouting "where's that gay?". What a brotherhood they're having. So sweet.

Yeah right.

Either way, I tried something new this afternoon. On the last period on Tuesday, Web Design, to be exact. I think I have found a new obsession. Wacom. Now that's something I should be drolling about. I want I want I want.!

Dad called like 3 minutes ago. Asking what would we like for breakfast. And like any gracious daughter would do, I told him Mom already bought BreadTalk for us.

Well, like they say, there's always a first time.

I would certainly dream it wont be the last.

Middle High Schooler Crisis

I know I how much I adore IPEKA as my beloveth high school at daily routine, but recently I had longed to just get a glimpse of home, of my purely tempting blanket, of my midnight reading sanctuary, of the evening breeze, of the morning sunrise from my puny balcony, and so much from my past life.

These past few days, all I did was just merely thriving for grades, for pure nothingness but scribbles of ink upon a piece of paper I would refer to as my report card.

Oh my. I'm depressed. Irked. Bored. Dying.

Have put a LOT of thought and reviewing some options for university.

The survivors are: Business Management. Marketing. Culinary Art. Art.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Crack

Something terrible happened last night.

I was in my room, blissfully enjoying my mid-night reading time when suddenly I heard a sound of broken glass below.

Quickly I closed the magazine I was reading, put on my slippers, and headed for the source of the sound. I heard mom's voice calling for me, and my little brother appeared from his room, bewildered as I am.

As we paced down, my response is to first gain as much information my eyes could get in a gaze. And then I realized what happened as I saw pieces of one of mom's antiques shattered by the marble floor.

Mom's expression was undescribeable. It was somewhat between disbelief, and refusing to belief that she had dropped her beloved Chinese pottery to pieces.

We (me and my brother) quickly cleaned up the pieces while she stared in utter regret in the leather couch. Grief seemed to take control of her mind, asking me and my brother of how it will be fixed.

Over and over she exclaimed how could she be so stupid to arrange the house in the middle of the night. Again and again she passed the tale. Of how she forgot that the precious jar was not glued together. For more than once, she said in anguish how it had happened, when the antique jar turned to pieces infront of her very own eyes.

It made me realized how important a second is, how a second can change your life entirely is completely beyond my understanding.

She is better today, as if trying to accept the wounds that cut her feeling hours ago. Right now she's (hopefully) enjoying herself at ShangHai Night in Shangrilla, with Dad and his butterfly tie. It's 80's night.

Somehow I have this certainty that we're going straight to DaVinci right after our weekly DimSum at the Bellagio tomorrow morning. Which means me staying on the 2nd floor, enjoying the scene, th music, the atmosphere, and above all, the wonderful crispy and tender French Fries with a cup of Earl Grey in the morning.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

One

Why would someone be judged based on their color? Why would social prejudices outlived the century to this milisecond?

Black. Yellow. White.

All are beautiful, all are equal. Why would one consider them to be more than others? All tribes are different, as unique as one can be.

Why would anyone wants to murder uniqueness to be equalized?

Dont they ever think what will this world be when everyone have the same color, face, personality? Will they be satisfied then.

Who are them to judge who's higher.

Watched how it was for blacks during Apertheid. It made my eyes filled with anger to see their dignity stomped over with riffles and whips.

I hate it most when seeing someone who abused their power. Absolute power corrupts completely, as someone said. Why.

Questioning is a good thing.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Pray. Weep. Pray.

Come close your eyes. Let your palms meet in silence. Rest your knees. Pray.

At this very day, 5 years ago, the war floated into the surface of this world, destroying the peace with its intervals. Too long have it stayed, that we tend to take it as our daily routine, to see yet another brother of us lost his life for his country, is just another day.

Too long, too long indeed.

Until when will it stayed? They say they would wait until one wins. And here it goes forever. No one will ever win in a war, no matter what.

Why would one take pride in winning in a mass murder?

I have recently came to understood the need for education in all of its forms. Itsy bitsy acts like reading newpaper might save thousands.

They gave celebrations in memoriam of this day, of what happened 5 years ago. The day when lifes of hundreds thousands changed in a second. Children, parents, sisters, brothers, newphews, neighbors, friends, husbands, wives, all lifes shattered all over the ground. It was the day that dried their tears, and started the bloodshed.

I would like to engage this to those 2,973 victims of 9/11, not just to remember the dead, but as a reminder for the living, to step out and look at what's happening to us all. We have all been corrupted by misuse of power. An infinite loop of vengeance. Over,

and over,

again.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Into The Abyss

Why is someone whom you considered to have everything still feel this loneliness deep inside? A deep bottomless pit that grows bigger and bigger, slowly uprising into your mind and deliberately controls it.

That your life is driven by it. Every step you made, every breath you take, every movement you made, every thought you have, each brings you deeper into the pit, pulling you inside slowly, making you gaze blankly every second in your life.

There's something missing. I know there is. But even thinking about it squeezed my heart with stage fright. Im afraid to think of the unthinkable.

They say time heals wounds. But they say it so often that it loses the magic, a nothing in everything.

How would I survive. how would I live. How would I breathe. If I know there would be noone to pull me up.

Hear this. Lose it. Live with it.

I'm empty.

Untitled

Just realized that all of my friends are a bunch of freaks. They come in all sizes and flavors to add spices to my day =D. Life would be perfect if there's no such thing called Mathematics. If only.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Flu

Im having flu. And by legend (my own's), I cannot concentrate nor think profoundly when my nose wont stop running.

Just my luck, I had English test this morning, and there's literally 3 deep essay which really needed a through udnerstanding of the question to wrote something that would answer the question.

And I think i failed. I could not think of anything and my brain wont cooperate with my fingers. I cannot write my heart out, like I used to before. In short, my essay suck. What a great great tremendous luck Im having today.

After the test, everyone seemed preocupied by asking other's answers to the essay questions, and I sat there quietly, hoping someone can, even slightly, understand what Im saying by reading my essay.

In shorter phrase, Im heart broken with my essay. Im not at all satisfied with what I wrote. Null.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Officially Missing Them

I think my dad really missed his first 3 descendants abroad. He went home this evening at around 20:30, to find only 1 daughter (me) in it. During which he had his dinner alone, I finished my Adobe work, and crept down to accompany him by eating my Dragon Fruit which turned my fingers to reddish color after I enjoyed it.

We talked about stuffs, and slowly he asked about my brother and sister in Amsterdam. Had they sent any emails to me. How's brother? And some questions by which I replied carefully by the current update I had.

After dinner, he was walking back into his room when suddenly he asked, "Do you think Caca is still awake at this time?"

"Hmm. Maybe. Oh, she called this evening by the way, looking for you and Mom."

By this, he entered his room, and before 2 minutes, came out with his handphone and opened his contact to get a number on which he dialed on our home phone.

Silent, then he spoke. It turned out that he had called my sister in Melbourne, asking how's she's been, what can he help. But the connection went dead in a minute, and I thought he would hung up and go to bed.

Instead, he dialed all her numbers in his database, again and again and again until finally her voice echoed down our phone once again. She asked dad to hung up so she could call him instead.

Then they spoke for minutes, he asked about her plan to move into an apartment with her friends, so on and so forth.

I think he misseth the wrecked havoc in this house when all of us were here.

Cant imagine how it's gonna be when I'm gone.

Closing

"Tuliskan kesedihan

Semua tak bisa kau ucapkan

Dan kita kan bicara

Dengan hatiku

Buang semua puisi

Antara kita ber2

Kau bunuh dia

Sesuatu

Yang kusebut itu cinta

reff:

Yakinkan aku Tuhan

Dia bukan milikku

Biarkan waktu, waktu

Hapus aku

Sadarkan aku Tuhan

Dia bukan milikku

Biarkan waktu, waktu

Hapus aku"

Daydreaming

If only Im older.

Bye school. Bye teachers. Bye uniforms. By irky in classes. Bye sleepyheads. Bye homeworks. Bye assessments. Bye academic performance hell.

Hmm. What wil I be once I graduated I do not know. And I would trade anything just to make it as shimmering as what I dreamt now.

What's my job (CEO). My husband (LOVABLE HUNK). My house (DAVINCI PENTHOUSE). My pet (HERDER). My car (MINICOOPER!)

When oh when. Let me peek into the magic ball. And more will I want.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

ECom 2006

Wish I could turn back time. To turn the sand upside down. To say hello once again to my yesterdays, and so long to tomorrow. I wonder what's his name.